In this pandemic crisis, we are all grieving what we have lost – comfort, safety, security, community, income, events large and small, vacations, mission trips, freedom, childcare, public services, etc. Hopefully, most of us have not experienced a personal death loss due to this crisis, but EACH of our daily lives have changed dramatically. Enter: grief.
How would you define grief? Grief is the conflicting feelings we experience with the end of or change in a familiar pattern or behavior. Grief is not limited to death loss. The rippling impact of COVID-19 has caused a myriad of cancellations (end of) and restrictions (change in) how we do life right now. Though our activities may be on lockdown, our emotions are not. Grief is a normal response to abnormal circumstances. It is natural to experience conflicting emotions with so many disruptions and changes.
While grief is the normal response to loss, it feels anything but normal. Where do you begin to process all these surfacing emotions? How do you find your way through the fog? Grief needs movement in order to heal. How do we get what’s inside (grief) outside (mourning)? You will feel better as you mourn through acknowledging, welcoming, and expressing these conflicting emotions of grief.
Acknowledge
Admit you have lost something meaningful to you. Be aware, we each have an internal grief meter that subconsciously scales our pain to someone else’s. This grief meter may try to minimize your loss. The danger in pandemic grief is comparing losses and not giving your own heart permission to grieve. “It seems everyone is in the same boat, or others have it worse than me, so why am I so _______?”
Please know that your loss is your loss, however big or small. In this pandemic we may share similar circumstances, but our response to those circumstances is individual and unique to each person. I invite you to notice what you are noticing. Feel what you are feeling. Take a moment to write down your losses/changes/disruptions. Name them. Acknowledge how and why they are meaningful to you.
If it is hard to give a name to your losses, perhaps notice your response to things. What do you find yourself: resisting, avoiding, judging, fearing, fixating on, asking? Acknowledge your thoughts and emotions by writing them down.
Welcome
Grief reminds us life is unpredictable. Right now decisions are being made for you and you feel a loss of control. While life has changed externally, your personal, individual grief is inviting you to notice and process what is happening internally - within your own soul.
In this forced time of social distancing, push the pause button for times of reflection. These world events invite us to think about life in a different way.
In grief and fear some are tempted to avoid, ignore, or numb the pain through binging Netflix, gaming, turning to alcohol, substance abuse, etc. Brené Brown reminds us, “when we numb the dark, we numb the light.” Grief invites an “evade-encounter” dance. You need some levity in these uncertain times (evade), yet you must also face the realities and impact of your losses (encounter).
Welcome what these losses are surfacing. Existential questions on the meaning of life, your purpose, or questions for God often emerge in times of crisis. We are meant to be whole, not fragmented, creatures. Life is much more “both/and” versus “either/or.” Our hearts have the amazing capacity to hold the good and the hard simultaneously and we are richer and more whole for it.
Welcome the inward journey that grief brings.
Express
Acknowledging grief engages our mind.
Welcoming grief engages our heart.
Expressing grief engages our body.
We express grief through mourning, getting what’s inside outside. Mourning may involve tears, or you may find it helpful to run, box, or exercise to release and express your emotions. Perhaps journal, talk to someone, or create through art or music. This may be a great time to reach out to a counselor, spiritual director, mentor, or pastor. Telling a trusted source what is swirling inside you often yields great relief and comfort.
Grief needs movement. Some studies show that moving the body actually helps move the mind and soul as well. These outward expressions help soften the immediate emotional intensity and provide glimmers of hope.
Acknowledging your grief, welcoming it and expressing it may then open your heart to receive comfort from God and through others. Though your activities may be on lockdown, your grief is not. Open your heart to grieve in life-giving ways and honor what is precious to you.
by Dana Russo